Oh, Rebecca, it seems our time is coming to a close:

Thursday, July 27, 2006 12:20 PM

Well I will just have to wait its very hard like I told you when my Mom keeps calling and emailing me and asking if it has arrived yet. Well I hope that I get it in the next few days. I can't believe this ordeal with my brothers money. First he loses it and now to get it back. It is just very weird I think. Ok well I will talk to you sometime.

Rebecca

Friday, July 28, 2006 4:41 PM

Brian,

Well my post office says they don't have any letter where I owe postage. Also you told me you had mailed it from the post office and then in another email you said something about talking to the mailman at your house about the letter and telling him the story. I am praying if you did mail it you didn't tell him that there was all that money in that envelope or you know what happen to it!! Maybe it will get to me one day but it seems like my parents are gonna have to send my brother some money so he can get home. I appreciate you being honest and saying you found it but the thing is I have never gotten it so its hard to tell where it is now!?!? You can answser that and live with yourself knowing you sent it or not. I just would think you would be just as worried since it was your money you had to send since you had spent my brothers money the first time for your car you said. Ok well take care and I don't know what else to say. If it ever arrives I will let you know.

Rebecca

It appears she's giving up on me, so this seems like the right time to tell her that there never was any money and send her a link to the page to see us making fun of her.

Thanks to Laura, it seems we also have a picture of Rebecca. That's her standing on the right.

The picture is from a meeting of the United Daughters of the Confederacy, so I hope that anyone who still thinks that I'm being cruel somehow will now agree that she has this coming on account of being a dishonest, money-grubbing, treasonous, anti-American fiend.

Her punctuation isn't that good, either, but what do you expect from Southerners?

Without further ado:

Tuesday, July 25, 2006 8:29 PM

RE: Well??

Brian,

Did you goto your post office also? I need to know what you are doing? I just am so frusturated with the entire thing. I wish you could have just sent me a check but of course you couldn't find your check book. I hope you finally did. Well I guess its floating around some where???

Ok see ya,
Rebecca

The reply:

Rebecca,

I went to the post office and they told me basically the same thing. It sounds like you just need to wait to hear from the post office where it ends up, but it doesn't sound like it should take too long to get the notice.

I really thought that I had put enough postage on it, though, because I had asked the mailman who was emptying the box. I walked past it again after I ate dinner that day, and I was still worried about making sure it got to you on time, so when I saw him, I explained the whole thing, and he said that there shouldn't be any problem with it.

But it sounds like you still haven't seen it, so obviously he was wrong. I'm sorry.

Let me know when you hear from Richmond.

--Brian

She is freaking.

Sunday, July 23, 2006 10:29 AM

Subject: PLEASE READ ASAP

Brain,

Please tell me it cam back to you? I have a bad feeling you sent it out to the wrong person. I want to hear good news that you have re sent it out and its on my way now. Hey we are all human if that happen no biggie. Ok thanks hope you had a great weekend.

Rebecca

Monday, July 24, 2006 10:09 AM

Subject: Ok whats going on??

Brian did you get the envelope back and it was addressed wrong? I know I keep emailing you but I am trying to be positive about all of this. I bet it did. Ok well let me know.

Thanks,
Rebecca

And an e-mail back:

Hi, Rebecca.

I was sick on Friday, and since I don't have Internet at home, I'm just getting all your e-mails now.

Anyway, I'm sure I sent it to the right address, but I don't think that I put a return address on it. I was talking to one of my friends about it, and he was saying that because it was a lot of bills and I wrapped it up so good so you couldn't see the money inside, it might have been too heavy or something for just the one stamp that I put on it.

I'm not sure what happens in that case, but I'm going to try to get to the post office today and find out.

I'll let you know. Hopefully it will show up before then.

--Brian

Monday, July 24, 2006 1:35 PM

Ok thanks Brian. Why didn't you put your return address on it? I can't imagine it being too heavy but who knows with the post office. Can you find out is there anything I can do on my end if I have to pay the extra postage or what. Sorry about all the emails but you know how it is. Hope you are feeling better. Thanks again.

Rebecca

Monday, July 24, 2006 2:11 PM

Hey Brian I called my post office. They said if you didn't put enough postage on it it will goto Richmond and sit on someones desk and then I should get a notice in the mail saying I owe a certain amount. I wish you would have put a return address on it and she said then it would have gone back to you and then resent to me. Oh well too late now. I hope thats all it is cause as soon as I get it I am putting it in my bank and contacting my Mom. She is driving me crazy and keeps calling me about it. I am sorry I questioned about you NOT sending it. Its just stressful on my end. I hope this makes sense. My brother told he knows you sent it its just how the mail system is. Ok well like I have said before as soon as it arrives I will let you know.

Take care,
Rebecca

We'll mix it up a little more tomorrow.

She's getting antsy!

Thursday, July 20, 2006 7:30 PM

Brian,

Ok I believe you. I am just concerned cause my brother really needs the money. You sent it to the right address I hope:

Rebecca Mahnker
3914 Lancaster Ring Road
Fredericksburg, VA 22408-8767

Is that where you sent it? I guess the mail is just slow. Oh well I probably will get it on Friday I just wanted to check with you. Thanks for emailing me back.

Rebecca

Friday, July 21, 2006 1:30 PM

Brain ok its been 5 days and nothing. Where did you send it to? I don't mean to sound like a pain but my brother really needs this money. I sent you my address I hope you sent it correctly:

Rebecca Mahnker
3914 Lancaster Ring Road
Fredericksburg, VA 22408-8767

Please let me know what is going on. Did you get it back and just mail it back out? I need to really know so I can call my Mom and tell her, she keeps calling me and I don't know what to tell her. Did you mail it regular mail or package?

Rebecca

An hour later:

Friday, July 21, 2006 2:44 PM

Brain,

I have a feeling you didn't send it or you sent it to the wrong address. My family is really upset. This means my brother will not be able to get home when planned. He now has to wait till the end of August. I just do not understand. I sent you the address and everything. I wish you could have just sent me a check. That would have made life so much easier. Now you say you sent cash and who knows where it is. Please Brain helps us out here did it come back to you? I sure hope so. Maybe it didn't have a stamp on it or did you send it the slowest way possible. Let me know whats up.

Thanks,
Rebecca

I had my own plans, but Patty's suggestions sounds really good.

So I sent Rebecca her money. Or something.

Hi, Rebecca.

Just wanted to let you know I sent the money. I rushed home after work to get my checkbook and get to the post office, but I couldn't find it anywhere. I still haven't found it, so I ended up having to go to the bank Saturday afternoon to just pull out the cash.

Anyway, I wrapped it up real good and mailed it off, so you should have it probably today or tomorrow, I guess.

Alright, well have a great day. Sorry this has been such an ordeal. I hope your brother gets back OK.

--Brian

She was very excited to get the news, I'm sure.

Monday, July 17, 2006 9:22 PM

Thanks Brian. I hope you found your check book. Thats not a good feeling when you misplace something like that. I hope you remembered to keep $50 for yourself. You have been great and my brother really appreciates it. He found a ticket online Sunday for $700 for his way home since its only one way. I will email you as soon as the money gets to me. I hope to get it Tuesday, ok thanks again.

Rebecca

Tuesday, July 18, 2006 5:59 PM

Brian,

Hello. I am writing because I didn't get the money today. You said you sent it out Saturday afternoon? Maybe that is why so it really didn't go out until Monday so I hope to get it Wednesday and Thursday at the latest. I guess maybe you should have sent it certified mail. Ok well like I said before I will let you know as soon as I get it. Where were you mailing it from? I live down here in Fredericksburg so maybe its just slower. I know my family that is in Woodbridge things take 2-3 days sometimes. Ok well thanks again.

Take care,
Rebecca

Wednesday, July 19, 2006 6:12 PM

RE: Good Morning- PLEASE READ THIS AND RESPOND

Brian I am getting worried now. I have not gotten my brothers money yet. I know you said you mailed it Saturday afternoon so I am guessing maybe I will get it on Thursday or Friday?? I hope so cause my parents are suppose to wire this money to him on Sunday the 23rd or on Monday the 24th at the latest. Please let me know when and where you mailed it from.

Thanks,
Rebecca

And then the reply:

Hi, Rebecca.

I'm not really sure what the delay is. It's definitely taking longer than I expected.

I stuck the envelope in a box on the street while I was hanging out in the District on Saturday afternoon or evening, so I'm not sure what the delay is.

I'm sure it's just the post office being slow. Hopefully it'll get there soon. Keep me updated.

Thanks,

--Brian

I'm trying to decide whether to pretend that someone can now prove that the money is theirs, or accuse her of lying, or maybe just keep letting her sweat it out.

I felt like this one should go up right away.

Thursday, July 13, 2006 9:53 PM

Brian,

Thats ok I understand completely. Days are like that at times. I appreciate you sending me the check on Friday and my brother does too:

Make the check out to me. I will email you when I get it also. I can't believe that guy has emailed you again. I wouldn't even bother answering his email. You should tell him to stop emailing you or just block him.

Thanks again and take care,
Rebecca

Again, her trying to ensure that the supposed rightful owner of the money doesn't get it is what really makes me enjoy doing this. She has got to drooling over there, waiting for that check to come on in.

If my mother didn't read this, I might have some words to say about Rebecca; instead, here's some more correspondence:

Monday, July 10, 2006 12:39 PM

Brian I need to know when you are gonna get paid this week? Are you gonna send me a check this week I hope. Ok well please let me know.

Thanks,
Rebecca

Monday, July 10, 2006 12:39 PM

Brian I haven't heard from you and I wanted to see when you were gonna mail that check to me? I need to know since my brother will start looking for tickets and I need to get the money to him. He is trying to get back the states by the 31st of this month or maybe August depending on whats available. Ok well I hope you get paid this week cause you told me in 2 weeks. Thanks.

Rebecca

Wednesday, July 12, 2006 11:33 AM

Email me please

And the reply:

Hi, Rebecca!

Sorry I haven't been so good about replying. Work's been really crazy this week. I hardly ever get a chance to get online anymore.

Anyway, I'll get my paycheck today, so I can cash it tonight when I get off and mail it off tomorrow.

Sorry this has been such a drama, but things just get crazy sometimes. I'm sure you know how it goes.

All right, well have a great day!

--Brian

P.S.: That other guy e-mailed me again yesterday, but I'm not even bothering to respond. What a bum.

I considered getting biblical and asking what she thought was an appropriate punishment for such a person but thought better of it.

This Rebecca chick is getting annoying with all her e-mails. I'd be frothing at the mouth, too, if I had $800 coming to me for free, but I don't think I'd be so pushy about it.

It's like getting constant e-mails from an ex-girlfriend; I see it, groan, and leave it sitting in the inbox, unread. As Laura can tell you, though, I can't leave messages in my inbox for very long, and I can't archive unread messages, so eventually, I'm forced to open it up. Anyway, here it is:

Tuesday, July 4, 2006 1:27 PM

Brian when you get back to work and read this let me know what you want to do. Because you can send me the money you have now or send it all at once in a few weeks. I know that either way you will make sure it gets to me. Please let me know.

Thanks again,
Rebecca

Wednesday, July 5, 2006 12:52 PM

Brian can you email me or call me and let me know what your plans are with the money. If you want to mail the cash thats find too. Just wrap it really good in paper. I have mailed money before. Or if you don't mind writing a check thats fine too. Ok well I hope to talk to you soon.

Cell # if you decide to call: xxx-xxx-xxxx or just email is fine too. Thanks again. Hope you had a Happy 4th!!

Rebecca

To her credit, she's really been very understanding about the whole thing. I reply later that day:

Hi, Rebecca.

Sorry I missed your e-mail yesterday; I was off of work.

It sounds like it would probably be best to just put all the money together at once and send it that way. I'll let you know right away when I mail it off.

--Brian

Wednesday, July 5, 2006 9:09 PM

Thanks Brian I really appreciate it and if that works well for you that would be fine with me. Ok well I just wanted to make sure you got an email back since you had emailed me. So you have my address and all that now right? Ok well have a good rest of your week.

Rebecca

So it sounds like she's just going to shut up and wait, right? Wrong.

Thursday, July 6, 2006 10:28 AM

Brian what you are saying you will be sending me a check for the entire amount which will be $750 next Thursday or Friday the 13th or 14th? Is that correct? How were you going to mail it? I hope the safest and cheapest way since my brother needs at least $700 for his plane ticket return. Ok well let me know if you need anything else but I sent you my name and address. If you need it again let me know.

Take care,
Rebecca

I don't know about you, but if I closed my bank account to fly to Europe, then lost the money, I probably wouldn't have just said, "Eh, I'll just get myself a one-way ticket out there and see if I can't hitchhike back." But we're going to mail her her money next week, and then the awesomeness will start.