I decided to put Rebecca off for a few days so I could wait until the end of the month and use some of the money for rent. In the meantime, she tried to make a last effort at the money:

Wednesday, June 21, 2006 10:37 AM

Hello you have not responded to my email. I hope everything is alright. Did you mail my brothers money yesterday? Please let me know.

Thanks,
Rebecca

That was the last I heard from her. She probably thought the guy proved the money was his and figured it best to quietly fade away. So I'm hoping to reel her back in.

Rebecca,

Sorry it took so long to reply. That other guy said he would be able to show me his withdrawal slip and even have the bank pull the surveillance video to prove it was his, so I started to think that he must have been telling the truth.

But after I asked him to just show me the slip, he dropped off the map completely, so it sounds like he was just bluffing and trying to get your brother's money.

Anyway, I'm sorry it's taken so long to get it to you.

Unfortunately, I ran into a little bit of a problem with my car, and I had to use the money that I would normally use to pay the rent to fix it, so I got into a little of a jam, and since I hadn't heard from you in so long, I went ahead and used $600 of what I found to pay my rent.

I'm really sorry, but I figured that since your brother was unreachable somewhere in Europe, it wouldn't really make a difference to him whether the money came back this week or when I get paid again in two weeks. It just seemed like fate had led me to the money when I needed it the most.

Anyway, I'm definitely going to pay it back, so I wanted to send you what I still have. The $600 for my rent plus the $50 reward he wanted to give me plus the postage to send it leaves $124.61 that I can send now. Should I make the check out to your brother or your parents? Or do you just want me to send the cash? It seems a little risky, but whatever you want, I'm willing to do, because I know this has been such a drawn-out drama for you.

Anyway, I'm really sorry it's taken so long. Just let me know what you want me to do next.

--Brian

It didn't occur to me until just now that my math up there was off, but it seems extra funny, so I'm going to go ahead and send it that way anyway.

Assuming she takes the bait, I've a got a really good plan for about two e-mails from now.

And another three when I came in to work this morning.

Monday, June 19, 2006 6:37 PM

Brian it honestly my brothers. He was so upset. I am telling you the truth. My parents had to loan him $1000 just to get to Germany since he with drew all of his funds. Please mail it and believe me. He really wants you to have a $50 cash reward. I hope you can mail it soon. We really appreciate it very much.

Rebecca

Monday, June 19, 2006 7:09 PM

Brian I sent you a response from your email saying you were going to mail it. I didn't know if you got my response cause my computer is so annoying. My parents loaned my brother $1,000 to get to Germany. I know he was so happy to hear someone had found his money. He didn't have a lot but that $800 is better than nothing at all. He was going to use that for his plane ticket but then of course that never happen.

We are a very honest family and that is why my brother wants you to receive at least $50 and he said when he returns in the Fall he will contact you and send you more. He just needs the money as soon as you can send it. Please let me know if you plan on mailing it.

Thanks again so much,
Rebecca

P.S. If you want to call me on my cell phone and talk to me you can xxx-xxx-xxxx

Take care and God Bless

Tuesday, June 20, 2006 10:21 AM

Brian did you mail it tody? I need to know so I can tell my parents so they can contact my brother some how. We are not sure where he is now. Somewhere in Europe. Ok have a great day.

Rebecca

I laughed at her again, of course, upon reading this, but then I got angry when it occurred to me that she was sitting there, aware that the rightful owner of this money was trying to claim it, she was still going to lie and try to get it for herself.

It's funny that I would get angry about a woman trying to claim fake money, but I suppose it's pretty like me. A lot of times, I'll imagine getting into debates with people, then carry out the lines of argument and by the end, my temperature will be rising as I get angrier and angrier with this imaginary person.

As for the debate in the comment box, Googling her e-mail address shows that she graduated high school in 1988, so calling her mother doesn't seem appropriate.

Anyway, I'm trying to decide if I want to call her or not. I'm thinking about trying to stall until the end of the month and then being really sorry because "I got into a jam, and I didn't know whose money it was yet, so I used some if it for my rent."

I spent the whole weekend running around DC trying to find furniture for my room, and while it yielded a nice desk and a gigantic bed, I forgot to check my blog for your suggestions on the $800, and I also forgot to check my e-mail to see if Rebecca had replied.

In fact, she had:

Saturday, June 17, 2006 9:29 AM

Hi Brian I wanted to see when you plan on mailing my brother's money?
Please let me know cause I will be leaving the 25th for a business trip.

Thanks

Then, 86 minutes later:

Saturday, June 17, 2006 10:57 AM

Well what are you doing with my brothers money? Please tell me you mailed it today!!

ramahnker@earthlink.net
EarthLink Revolves Around You.

I'll be honest. As I started to list all the possible things I could do to screw with this woman, I started to feel a little guilty about jerking her around. But after receiving an e-mail in such a brusque tone, I now feel free to go nuts.

I decided to start by saying someone else is trying to claim it.

Rebecca,

Sorry I didn't see your e-mails. I don't have an Internet connection at home, so I can only get online at work.

Anyway, I was going to stick the envelope in our mail when I came in today, but I saw that someone else is saying that they think the money is theirs. They didn't really give many details, though.

I'm not really sure what to do now....

I think that's probably the way to handle this step. Re-establish contact, start to pull away, but leave an opportunity for her to try to salvage it.

We'll see what happens.

I've been spending an inordinate amount of time looking at Craigslist postings just to eat up some free time at work, and I thought it would be funny to post a phony listing to see what kind of response I could get.

I went with this:

Found: $800 in a Bank of America envelope in the bank parking lot.

E-mail me with the denominations to let me know how you want to pick the money up.

this is in or around Falls Church
no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

A couple of days passed with no reply, and I was happy to see that people are so honest. Then came the vulture.

Thursday, June 15, 2006 8:35 PM

My brother wanted me to email you since he doesn't have a computer. He thinks it might be his. He said his had 10's 20's and 50's and 100's. He lost more than $800 though. Please contact me ASAP.

Thanks

ramahnker@earthlink.net
EarthLink Revolves Around You.

Clever enough. All the denominations are covered, and if any weren't there, it's because someone took it and left the rest.

Hi,

I have to admit, after not getting any response for a couple of days, I was starting to think I may have stumbled on a windfall of my own.

I know I would have been freaking out if I lost it, though, so I'm glad to see the rightful owner getting reconnected with it.

If your brother can confirm about when he would have lost it and you can pass along some contact info, I'll be happy to get the money to you ASAP.

--Brian

Friday, June 16, 2006 3:45 PM

All I know he said it was sometime on Sunday or Monday but he does not know exactly when because he had gone back to the bank and all over both days and now he is not home. You can mail it to me and he would be so happy about that. He will be gone the rest of the summer in Europe and that is why he had all that money. He had to borrow money from my parents. If you can mail it to my house I can make sure he gets it. We really appreciate it. I am so glad people are honest in this world. Please email me ASAP. Thank you again.

Rebecca

Then another, which also included her address.

Friday, June 16, 2006 3:50 PM

Aaron told me tell you "thank you". He called my parents today from England and he is so thrilled someone is so honest in this world. He told me to tell you to keep $50 for yourself.

I'm not sure how, without the Internet, he saw my listing on Craigslist, but it's all made-up anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter.

So now I'm trying to think of the right way to handle this:

--Call her out?
--Just stop e-mailing her?
--Start putting up hoops of minor inconvenience for her to go through. What wouldn't you do for your $800?
--Tell her I gave it to the police and send her to pick it up from them? That would be funny because she sounds smart enough to worry about being caught, but desperate enough to do it. This would definitely cause her anguish.
--Tell her I'll split it with her? Or maybe that I spent about $600 already, but I'll definitely pay her back. That would really piss her off.

Feel free to weigh in.